-Ji Min's dog
Cw: depression/anxiety, leave of absence On an average day in November, 2017, I laid in bed, thinking about how I was feeling, and realized I needed to address my crippling depression and anxiety. I’d always noticed that both disabilities had gotten more intense since I’d entered Pomona, but it was on this particular day that I knew I’d reached my breaking point. I needed to take time to heal, and I needed to do that now. But for me to heal, I’d have to return home without finishing the semester. That meant all my work, tears and pain up until that point would have been for nothing. I was filled with doubt and fear, and questions of that nature consumed me for days. Should I really go back home without finishing the semester? Would taking this leave really fix anything? What if everything returned to the way it was after my leave? And once I returned, all my Pomona friends would be juniors while I would be a sophomore, and they’d even graduate earlier than me. Would I be OK with being without my closest friends once they graduated? Ultimately, I decided that I needed to prioritize my health above everything else, and thus, began the process to take a leave of absence. Once I completed the necessary documents, I returned home to Korea. It was strange to be back in my home country with absolutely nothing planned for the entirety of my leave, other than to heal. Even with the goal “to heal,” I was lost, especially because the idea of “healing” was foreign to me. I’d always thought that time would “heal” or “fix” all of my problems, including depression and anxiety. But clearly, that had not worked I felt awkward spending free time I’d never had before doing nothing. I was overwhelmed by the amount of time that I had on my hands, and often felt like I was wasting my life doing nothing “of importance” or “of significance.” But over time, I started to do things I enjoyed more periodically. Every morning, I woke up without a set plan for the rest of the day. After breakfast, I’d workout for a couple hours. On most weekdays, I’d take my dog out for walks in the chilly fall afternoons. Twice a week, I’d meet with my therapist for an hour. I’d cook for myself. I’d read books that had collected dust over the years, books that I’d promised I’d finish but never did. I wrote more than I ever did my entire high school career. I started a new hobby: post crossing. I learned what I liked and what I didn’t like. And I learned more about myself in those nine months than I did in the last four years in high school. That was when I started to question what exactly I thought was “of importance” and “of significance,” because it very much was not my mental health, nor was it my happiness. With the help of my therapist, I came to realize that I had always prioritized my academic success over everything, including my mental and physical health. But now I wanted to prioritize myself. I’d finally had a taste of happiness that stemmed from within, and I wanted to continue being happy. So (again) with the help of my therapist and much effort on my part, I learned how to love myself a little more than I had in the past. After nine months, I began to want to return to Pomona College. And that’s how I’ve ended up here again. And though the semester has started with as much difficulty as I’d predicted, I find it so much easier to manage than before. I have a loving group of friends who are always ready to support me. I enjoy all of the classes I’m taking; I look forward to every single one of my classes. I’m happy to be back. I’m excited for what is to come. And I’m glad I took that leave of absence. -Ji Min Hwang '21
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Having attended international school in Germany, where summer vacations were significantly longer than the ones at German schools, I was always used to the idea that summer break was a time period that was long enough for me to pursue projects wholeheartedly that I otherwise could not have done. Therefore, as soon as I found out that summer break as a college student is even longer (basically 3 months!!!) I started to consider all the possible ways I could spend the summer productively.
A part of me felt extremely pressured to look into internship positions that will transform my resume and prove to my future employers that I am a legitimate and work centered individual, because this is what seemed to be the “usual” and “normal” thing to do. Due to this, I forcefully looked into any available internship positions for finance firms and investment firms to validate my Economics major and be one step closer to owning a resume that will help me excel after I graduate college. Of course, while doing this I ran into the “typical” hurdles that international students tend to face of deciding whether or not to stay in America or find something in my home country or where my family resides. In the beginning of the second semester I was determined to find something in America, because it seemed, on first glance, easier as I feel more comfortable working in an English-speaking environment. Additionally, I felt that the college itself prepared myself more for internship positions in America by making resources available that were US centric. While all of this seemed pretty straight forward, as I continued the process of searching for ways to spend the summer, I stumbled upon questions such as “Where will I’ll be staying during my internship?” “Who can I contact in a case of emergency considering none of my family members or close family friends live in America?”. While logistical questions like these arose I also was faced with restrictions due to my visa status and was unable to even apply for a handful of internship positions that I thought were intriguing, because I don’t have US citizenship. As the second semester progressed, I started to realize that I was beginning to become homesick and was unsure about the idea of spending the entire summer apart from my family, taking into consideration that this would mean that I will not see them for an additional half year. I was missing home and my family immensely and made the decision to prioritize my mental and emotional well-being and looked into any positions in Tokyo where my family lives. Sadly, most of the positions were no longer accepting applications and the choices were extremely limited considering my lack of work experience in Japan. While I was actively searching for any opportunities and ways in which I could spend the summer, in the last week of classes I received an email from the German language resident offering a research assistant position for a Professor at CMC for which I would translate texts from German to English. Her email highlighted that she planned the position to be roughly 8 weeks and she also strongly emphasized flexibility in location and time because she was willing to send me the texts per email and requested translations to be sent back in a document. I immediately reached out to the Professor and expressed my interest in working with her. After conducting a short informal interview, I was offered the position. Even though, I never fully considered or even could have imagined spending my summer as a research assistant, dedicating my time to something outside of Economics, I still learnt more than I had to offer. Not only was I able to work on my translation skills, but I was also able to discover my personal strengths and accordingly my weaknesses, because of the frequent feedback that I received. Reflecting back on my first summer, I feel that I spent it efficiently and effectively, paying close attention to my emotional well-being. Even though I find myself thinking that I didn’t do anything as “impressive” as my peers, I try to acknowledge the personal and emotional growth that occurred during my 3 months break. - Tami Sacre PO '21, ISMP wishes you all happy, healthy, joyful, and hopeful holidays and the same for the new year! May 2018 be filled with laughter, friendship, and successes, big and small. We can't wait to see many of you soon!
During the first few weeks of my first year, my diet mostly consisted of a rotation of burgers and pizza. After a few weeks the excitement of a daily all you can eat buffet started to wear off. However, when the dining hall announced that it would be serving chicken with Thai sauce, I was perplexed yet excited. Having been borned and raised in Thailand, I had never heard of this “Thai sauce”. Did I miss out on something that was so integral to my country my entire life? What secret sauce had I been missing out on? Turns out that the chicken with Thai sauce was a version of the usual boiled chicken legs which was slathered with a gooey brown peanut sauce. I glanced around as onlookers happily inhaled the chicken.
“Do you have this dish often at home”? I smiled and replied “No. It’s my first time”. Confused, they changed the subject. Yes, in no way was this chicken a representation of Thai food nor culture. However, the actual taste of the chicken wasn’t terrible and it vaguely reminded me of home, and for that I was grateful. The dining halls may make up a new dish from our own country or attempt to cook a food that we know and love which may not live up to our expectations. Food is a source of comfort and has the ability to momentarily transport us back home. Even though the “traditional” food served in dining halls may not be the exact version that we remember back home, for me it’s the thought that counts. The dining hall staff are trying to provide us a sense of home, and for others it is a chance to experience new foods that they would not have tried before. I would rather that they try than not at all. "So you're from Mexico right?"
"What is the food in Cuba like?" "Mmm Ecuador, is that in Africa?" I come from a country that is part of a much bigger region: Latin America. Although we share a lot of cultural traits and customs, each one of the 20 countries in this region is unique. However, when I moved to Claremont, I encountered a lack of knowledge about my region and the differences among each Latin American identity. Because some of us have similar physical traits and speak with similar accents, people tend to relate our identities and think we all come from Latin America: the one-culture country. However, the truth is, the differences between all Latin American countries are countless. Most of us speak the same language and could technically understand each other, but even Spanish is unique to each country. In fact, within each country, the local vernaculars are different from one another. The accents that people living in coastal areas have is completely different from that of those living in the inland regions. The food, the music, the holidays… they are all different! This time of year, you could be in Mexico celebrating el Dia de los Muertos, while in Ecuador people are celebrating their National Flag Day and in Peru people are commemorating the Purple Christ Holiday (when their biggest earthquake hit the country but did not destroy a purple painting of Jesus). Finally, ceviche: a typical Latin American seafood dish, is prepared completely differently in every country. I dare you to try each! Being aware of everyone's identities without automatically putting people with similar traits into bigger categories is important, and has helped me not only to be more aware of my unique Latin American identity as an Ecuadorian, but also to be mindful of other regions and their countries' unique values and cultures. -Valentina Emanuele PO'20 After more than a year in the US, I realize how differently people express their emotions here.
When my friends saw me after two months of summer break, they ran to me to give me big hugs and told me how much they missed me. When I told my spib that I received a disappointing grade for my paper, a deeply worried look appeared on her face and she grabbed my hand and told me, “I am so so sorry to hear that.” Direct expressions of emotions are everywhere around me: the body gestures, the “perfect”, the “so much”, and the “I love you” constitute the essence of social interactions here in the US. Coming from a high-context culture like China, I am not used to such upfront expressions. Our emotions are delivered in more subtle and indirect ways. In one classic Chinese pop song, the singer sings “look how beautiful the moon is tonight” to a girl he likes instead of saying directly, “You look gorgeous tonight and I am falling in love with you.” We tend to project our emotions to some external things, for example, the moon in this case, flowers, sunshine, or even a delicious dish we are sharing with people. However, I realize if I don’t express my emotions directly in a low-context culture here, there will sometimes be negative outcomes. First, not being expressive can make people upset. For example, people will say “you never really say ‘thank you’ to me. Have I not done enough?” Second, failure in expressing directly sometimes makes people question what I mean: “Do you really think this is a good idea for our project?” or “How do you really feel about our relationship?” Knowing that these differences exist help me better navigate my interpersonal relationships, especially intercultural ones. However, we need to be mindful that even though general cultural difference in emotional expression exists, different individuals still have their own ways of expression and we should not assume before we further get to the persons for the benefit of a healthy relationship. |
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